Your Golden League Meltdown Of The Day

((HT: Hardball Talk/youtube))

The HQ has chronicled the exploits of the MLB hanger-ons thast are hanging out in the Golden Baseball League this year- mainly, the Canseco brothers and their Yuma, Arizona exploits...

We now have a nutty that is right up there with all the other nutties we've covered over the years...

Tony Phillips and Mike Marshall go at it in Chico, California
((HT: KRCR-TV/youtube))


Both dudes are now 51 years old, Phillips is now the proud owner of battery charges from Marshall and both have been suspended three games...

Ooooohhhhh... that'll learn ya...

We Cannot Escape Jose Canseco...

((HT: desertdigitalvideo via LarryBrownSports))

And the HQ isn't even going to try and contain him...

Yuma Scorpions player-manager and his brother, Ozzie, are large and in charge this season in the Golden Baseball League trying to run over anyone they can to get a GBL title.

Jose has promised to be a Tweet-maniac and is infatuated with Lady Gaga...

He's even learning this whole ump-intimidation thing... without a lot of success...
But the language sure is colorful...

Jose Canseco and his brother to run Minor League team

Jose Canseco=Dumbass

And the headline pretty much sums up the story in this case. The key is the words "Minor League". In a half-hearted effort to draw attention to themselves, the Yuma Scorpions of the North American League, announced today that their manager this season will be none other than alleged Baseball legend Jose Canseco. And twin brother Ozzie will be his hitting coach, lest there be confusion between the two.

More from the Scorpions website themselves RIGHT HERE

This is oddly sad and pathetic at the same time. We know full well that this is a pure publicity stunt by the Scorpions, though we are quite sure the brothers Canseco were willing to work for anyone willing to pay them. The bigger question is why would anyone in Yuma, Arizona be dying to go to a baseball game just because these clowns are there?

According to the story, not only will Jose manage, he'll be either the DH or First Baseman too. The official announcement is set for 2pm (Az. Time) on Tuesday.

We could go on all-day ranting about the lunatic idiocy know as the Canseco brothers, but we won't. Their track record speaks for itself. We just wonder if they are using this gig to pay off the boxing promoter in South Florida who they tried to pull a double switch on last month.

If you need proof that the Canseco's will do anything for a buck...then watch this:

Ozzie Subs For Jose In Boxing, Promoted Pissed

Get this...

Ozzie Canseco showed up as his brother Jose for a celebrity boxing match over the weekend at the Hollywood, Florida Hard Rock, according to Dave Hyde in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

"A bait-and-switch," promoter Damon Feldman told Hyde. "I'm disgusted."

Feldman claims he paid Jose $5,000 leading up to the fight with plans to pay him an additional $5,000 when he showed.

"The guy I thought was Jose kept asking me to pay him in cash before [the fight]," Feldman said. "I told him I had to pay him by check for business reasons. He said he needed cash. We went back and forth."

Ozzie, who has switched out for Jose in the past, never was allowed to box and received a police escort out of the Hard Rock.

Understandable...

Feldman has said he did not pay Ozzie the $5,000 for showing up as a Canseco and wants the original $5,000 he paid Jose back.

Here's what happened one of the last times Jose tried to celebrity box...
((HT: WCAU/ESPN/youtube))


Maybe there was a reason Jose didn't want to fight after all...

Canseco Homers In Laredo Debut

The HQ really doesn't know if laughter is the proper response here...

Laredo Bronco Jose Canseco homered in his first United League at-bat last night as the Broncos beat Rio Grande Valley 16-8

Here's your Canseco-less highlights, thanks to our friends at KGNS-TV in Laredo


The ((and let's call it what it is)) stunt didn't seem to work with the Laredo City Council as the idea of building a new ballpark was shot down by a tie vote. Looks like the Broncos might be looking for a new ULB home next season- if they're sround at all.

Jose Canseco back in baseball....No we aren't kidding

Jose the Locker//courtesy: Laredo Broncos

This...was way too funny to pass up. Just when you thought Jose Canseco had finally disappeared from public view for good....he returns.

We wish we were making this up, but the now 46-year old failed MMA fighter/MLB player has resurfaced as the benchcoach/Designated Hitter for the Laredo Broncos of the independent United League Baseball. Okay, are you laughing yet?

Read more from a press release by the team that's on their website RIGHT HERE

God, we couldn't make this up, the title of the web story on the team's site: The Biggest Signing in Independent Baseball History: Jose Canseco signs with the Laredo Broncos. Oh and did we mention that because Jose is such a "Family Guy", he'll be holding a baseball camp shortly after he arrives in Laredo.

Apparently along with his coaching and DH duties, our hero will be attempting to film a yet unnamed reality TV show. (Shocker). Oh...did we mention that according to several reports, Canseco is supposedly broke.

We suspect that to the people of Laredo this isn't quite such a big deal either, but it won't be for lack of an attempt to market. We should add that apparently the team is battling with the city of Laredo about a new stadium too. Does this all sound as not so coincidental to you as it does to us?

Enjoy your story on our hero from your friends at Pro 8 News (Can't say I've ever heard a station branded like that...thought it was a joke...or a pop-up ad):

Jose Canseco Fights A 60-Year-Old

Obviously, the HQ thinks that this is a sign as to what the world is coming to... to end a sentence in a preopsition...

46-year-old Jose Canseco fought 60-year-old Assistant AD at Arkansas-Little Rock Gary Hogan. Yes, we know it was for charity... but it was still god-awful ugly...

We also wonder what Canseco was paid to spar in Little Rock before the Travelers game.

There was no winner, except for, of course, the charity...
Here's the painful video...
((HT: KTHV-TV Little Rock/CBS11))


The HQ thinks it ran out of words...

Canseco In DC Talking To Clemens Grand Jury

Jose Canseco was interviewed in the Justice Department building in Washington DC this morning.The interview went all afternoon with Federal officials including Assistant U.S. Attorney Daniel Butler.

Canseco stands by the affidavit he filed concerning the 1998 Clemens-Canseco barbeque, his presence there, and the idea that Canseco stands by his assertion that he never saw or gave Roger Clemens steroids.

Former Clemens trainer Brian McNamee testified he saw the two of them talking at the barbeque, and after that, Clemens brought up the idea of taking steroids.

ESPN's Mike Fish caught up with Jose in DC...


Fish's full interview with Canseco is here...

Canseco Gets Bashed In MMA Bout

This falls under the much used phrase "desperate times call for desperate measures." Jose Canseco is a desperate man who needs money. So to score a big payday Canseco walked into an MMA ring in Tokyo, Japan Tuesday to fight a 7 foot 2, 330 pound South Korean named Hong Man Choi and you guessed it, Canseco got the you know what beaten out of him.

A minute into the fight, Canseco seemed to twist his right knee and was hobbling around the ring. Canseco tried a leg kick and that was when Choi, a sumo wrestler, went for the kill dropping Canseco and landing blows to the back of his head and it was all over. The fight only lasted 1 minute and 17 seconds with Choi winning by KO.

Hit the play button to watch this bout. It won't take long. (Thanks Youtube)



After the fight, Canseco was quoted by the AP: "I hurt my knee back home real bad but I didn't want to disappoint the fans," Canseco said. "I knew that at some point during the fight my knee was going to give out and once I was down I knew I wasn't going to get up. He's just too heavy to move."

Obviously Canseco was way over his head with this new venture into MMA. According to reports Canseco was quoted Monday at the pre-fight press conference, "I'm not gonna lie to you, 'm scared," Canseco said "This guy is huge. I'm a 44-year-old rookie and have had a lot of challenges in my baseball career and hopefully, I can do well tomorrow." So the former slugger was defeated before he stepped in the ring.

Canseco knew how to bash a baseball 500 feet while fully drugged up but he can't bash in the ring. I'm willing to bet his MMA career ended under a mountain of a man from South Korea.

Photo Courtesy: Inouye/AP

Jose Canseco Just Won't Go Away

The comedy side show of Jose Canseco is reaching a new level of absurdity as the former juiced up slugger is going to throw fists in MMA.

Yes even though Vai Sikahema beat the bejesus out of you in your first bout with celebrity boxing then not having the skill to even finish off Danny from the Partridge Family (Danny Bonaduce) back in January isn't enough to convince Canseco that this is a really dumb idea.

Jose can't you see your 15 minutes ended when you cracked your skull in Cleveland trying to catch a fly ball.

Anyway the show will go on and Canseco will make is MMA debut May 26 in Japan to face Hong Man Choi from South Korea in what is billed as the Dream 9 card in Yokohama Arena.

Here's your tale of the tape:

Jose Canseco: 6-4 and 260 pounds

Hong Man Choi: 7-foot-2, 330-pounds

Bail Jose... Please Bail.

Here's Canseco gettin' whoop by Sikahema [Thanks ESPN/Youtube]

Photo Courtesy: Getty Images

Sikahema Said Knock You Out!

I apologize... I couldn't let this go...
NBC10/Philadelphia sports anchor and former goal post puncher Vai Sikahema used Jose Canseco as his own personal goal post Saturday night- knocking him down twice in the first round of their scheduled fight before Canseco's handlers threw in the towel. Canseco was fighting Sikahema for money. Sikahema was fighting Canseco for a cause. Vai's $5,000 purse was going to a policeman's widow.

Below is one of the few times I actually agree with SAS on ANYTHING!
Please write down the day and time.
Above all else make sure the earth as we know it is rotating properly...




That is all...