Thursday, July 17, 2008

That Tour de France Thing...

Hey, it’s that time of year again…

Yeah, you say, the slowest time of the sports calendar… since the Texas Rangers’ Josh Hamilton, pretty much, carried us through the Professional Baseball Mid-Week Popularity Contest and Baseball Game with his performance ((dare we say- “Ruthian” performance?)) in the Bronx. And now we have to kill time until college football teams are allowed to practice…

Nah…not that…

The Tour de France…

What???!!! Isn’t that the bike race where Lance Armstrong had Sheryl Crow wave and wish him good luck before he was seen with the Olsen twins and Kate Hudson???

Well, yes, it was… But he doesn’t race in it anymore…

He’s busy being seen with the Olsen twins and Kate Hudson these days, remember…?

Hey, they’re all clean riders now… or at least they say they are clean…

We’re supposed to believe in that concept, right…?

It’s Not About The Bike…

But, apparently, and to no one’s surprise at OSG HQ an entire team has exited the proceedings after one of their riders came up on the plus side of an International Cycling Union-mandated testing procedure after the 12th stage of this year’s Tour.

I know what you’re saying… they’ve already gone 12 stages this year…?

Riccardo Ricco had won two stages, and the A-sample of his test had what was referred to as a “new generation EPO” in it. Two marginal riders had been bumped off with positive tests earlier in the race- one of them, Moises Duenas Nevado, was still being questioned by authorities when Ricco was being led away in handcuffs. Ricco’s team, Saunier-Duval, decided enough was enough and pulled out as a group.

You realize that this is the third year in a row that something like this has happened…? And some of the riders are talking out of both sides of their mouth when they see their peers checking in to the French equivalent of the Po-Po.

Australian Cadel Evans said that “that the sport is being cleaned up in serious, fair and transparent way. Our sport is being crucified for doing the right thing.”

Understand, simply, that if you guys didn’t keep thinking that you could win in one fashion- enhanced- that the rest of us wouldn’t laugh at you and your too-tight tights, your six-hour rides, your aerodynamically efficient helmets, your Schwinns-turned-into-rockets, and your sport in general.

Simple, really… isn’t it...?

You don’t cheat. You play fair. You take your tests. You pass your tests. You win.

See Jim bike. Bike Jim bike.

See Jim cheat with a needle in his ass. Cheat Jim cheat.

See Jim suspended by his sport

See viewership go away.

Go viewers go.

"It's just amazing. It's irresponsible," British cyclist David Millar said. "This guy does not have any love or care for the sport."

You think…? And fans are leaving in numbers as well… or at least they should…

I’m half-tempted to say that either all of you should be allowed to cheat, or none of you should be allowed to cheat. The UCI should make up their mind once and for all. Let all of their hearts explode on the French countryside in some reckless, over-speeding, Autobahn induced excuse of a peloton.

Or shut it all down…

dot…dot…dot…

Ricco had been under some watchful, and appropriately-raised, eyebrows ever since he admitted that he’s had high hematocrit levels “ever since he was a child.” For those who don’t have PhD’s in hematology ((that’s English for the “study of all things bloody…” Got that one…?)), hematocrit levels are the indicators for red blood cell count levels inside the body. High hematocrit levels make people suspicious of EPO use, and you can circumstantially add one and one to come up with EPO use.

You just can’t connect those dots outright. The UCI did, anyway.

All you have to do is check other things, like hemoglobin levels, for back-up.

The two cycling teams based in the US, Garmin-Chipotle and Columbia, independently test their riders- separate from the UCI or Tour testing procedures. They are making pledges to cycling fans they will ride clean or the rider busted is out of a job.

I think it’s too late to bring interest into this country, even with such a noble thought. Ricco is 24 years old. If younger cyclists think they can skirt the system with new, designer drugs they will think of themselves as “bulletproof” until further notice.

Irony of ironies… after Ricco’s win in the 9th stage, he said:

"I hope soon that everybody will stop speaking about that."

Maybe later…

Play it safe, everyone… I’ll talk to you soon…

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