We Mock...the Draft That is...

Because pretty much everyone who has a blog, website, opinion or otherwise has created a "Mock Draft" in anticipation of April 25th's NFL Draft; we here at OSG World Headquarters feel that it is our obligation...no, our duty to provide you, the reader...with the same half-assed nonsensical guessing that people such as Mel Kiper have made a career out of.

So, in the cynical spirit of the day, here's what we think will happen on Saturday (besides the other 972,364,412 other important things):

Picks in Order: (Unless there's a trade, but that never happens)

1. Detroit- Matthew Stafford QB, Georgia (Obvious. We have covered Stafford for his UGA football career. Matt will be a good pro football player. He could be a "Great" player in the right situation...however, this is probably not it.)

2. St. Louis- Eugene Monroe OT, Virginia (The Rams need help everywhere...an O-Lineman will start the process)

3. Kansas City- Aaron Curry LB, Wake Forest (He's the best of the LB's...again, KC needs pretty much...well...just about everything)

4. Seattle- Mark Sanchez QB, USC (Dirty Sanchez is the pick...he sits for a year and watches Matt Hasselbeck get beat up...then he gets the keys to the car)

5. Cleveland- B.J Raji DL, Boston College (Don't be surprised if they pick a WR here...but they aren't known for being smart...your guess is as good as ours as to what they will do)

6. Cincinnati- Jason Smith OT, Baylor (Really he and Monroe are interchangeable. Whoever ends up here will suck. Most Bengal draft picks do)

7. Oakland- Andre Smith OT, Alabama (Fits the mold and plays a position that the Raiders actually need. But Al Davis is a senile fool...so who knows what they'll do)

8. Jacksonville- Michael Crabtree WR, Texas Tech (They desperately need him to be a star. They have no WR threats...on the roster...period)

9. Green Bay- Brian Orapko DE/LB, Texas (Why not? Though I've never actually heard of him. Others have projected that he is good)

10. San Francisco- Michael Oher OT, Mississippi (He's supposed to be good and Ole Miss was decent last year. Too bad the 49ers aren't good...or decent)

11. Buffalo- Brandon Pettigrew TE, Ok. State (Surprise...he is supposed to be good and nobody will see this coming. Somebody has to be there for Mr. T.O.)

12. Denver- Josh Freeman QB, Kansas St. (Why not? They gave away Whiny Bitch Cutler...and Kyle Orton won't be the answer. Again...this will shake things up)

13. Washington- Robert Ayers DE, Tennessee (Because there is nothing else stupid that they could do unless they trade up to get "Dirty")

14. New Orleans- Brian Cushing LB, USC (Not sure why so many USC LB's are here, but he'll be the 1st to go)

15. Houston- Aaron Maybin DE, Penn St. (Need pick, though I could think of...say a QB or RB or a few other positions that need shoring up here)

16. San Diego- Chris Wells RB, Ohio St. (Somebody has to replace L.T. Why they paid Darren Sproles a ton of money, we don't know. Michael Turner would've been perfect...oh wait...he's in Atlanta)

17. N.Y Jets- Jeremy Maclin WR, Missouri (They'll pick offense. The QB they want will be gone. They'll live with the moronic decision to sign the Favre last year. They'll pay for that for a while)

18. Denver- Tyson Jackson DE, LSU (They've sucked on "D" for years, they'll try and fix it)

19. Tampa Bay- Peria Jerry DT, Mississippi (No Monty Kiffin, no Derrick Brooks...whatever will they do? Try and fix the Defense first...then undo Chucky's damage on offense)

20. Detroit- Everette Brown DE, FSU (Another part to a difficult puzzle. Good thing they have lots of picks this year...right?)

21. Philadelphia- Knowshon Moreno RB, Georgia (They'll like him in Philly. He's going to be a good pro. Plus he'll be close to his New Jersey home)

22. Minnesota- Percy Harvin WR, Florida (They desperately need someone other than Adrian Peterson who is capable of making a play)

23. New England- Malcom Jenkins CB/S, Ohio State (A need pick. He falls into their laps. And then "The Belicheck laughed a hearty roar....ho...ho...ho")

24. Atlanta- Clay Mathews LB, USC (Another need. Don't be surprised if the Falcons trade this pick--you heard it here first)

25. Miami- Vontae Davis CB, Illinois (The Dolphins need defenders...they need a few other things, but this will be a good start)

26. Baltimore- Ray Maulaugua LB, USC (The heir apparent to Ray Lewis)

27. Indianapolis- Darrius Heyward-Bey WR, Maryland (I don't know why...yeah he's fast...so are a lot of guys. The Colts do need WR help though...and Peyton may make him better)

28. Buffalo- Eben Britton OT, Arizona (Again...never heard of him, but Todd McShay says he'll be picked here and by god...that's good enough for me)

29. NY Giants- Kenny Britt WR, Rutgers (Need to replace Plexi-glass...and this guy played down the street. Why not?)

30. Tennessee- Hakeem Nicks WR, North Carolina (Wow! They pick a WR! Maybe they'll play offense this year)

31. Arizona- Donald Brown RB, UConn (Need pick. The Edge doesn't have much left, Tim Hightower...not so good. They don't however hand off much...do they?)

32. Pittsburgh- Darius Butler CB, UConn (With so many picks, how come UConn wasn't better? Another need for a team that doesn't need much)

((nfl logo courtesy: NFL/please don't sue us))

((Matthew Stafford photo courtesy: dawgsports.com))